Living On the Dark Side

It’s raining outside; the morning sky is menacing. I’ve turned half the lights on in the house and dressed for work in mud-thick lampshade–the dark side to bad lighting.

I hate fluorescent lights. How many times did I walk into my office under 10,000,000 watts of fluorescent, buzzing tubes that always showcased the very worst in my attire, never spectacular to begin with. Though I appreciate lovely clothes, they’ve never topped my list of priorities or budget. 

Fluorescent lighting makes bad clothing choice look worse. The problem is, when you dress in closet lighting, then move into  fluorescent lighting, it really brings out the ugly–far from home.

It’s all about the shades. So darned many shades of green, of red, of blue. And black?. Blue is impossible to match and is prone to fading. Red can be hilarious, very time-consuming. Green is like un-cloned yellow and blue hues, no two alike.

Fluorescents taught me a lesson the day I slapped on a dark green skirt and treated my legs to a pair of grotesque green opaque hose I’d never found a reason to wear before that day…it was a cold, winter day. I thought I was balanced. I only had to learn that lesson once.

I got through downtown, to my office, to my desk without knowing. I took off my coat off and sat down.
That’s where my knees  stuck out the end of my skirt, the stark color contrast made was suddenly made even worse when nobody said, Uh, who dressed you? I wasted no time putting my coat back on, and took off for the nearest drug store to buy a pair of hose for a quick fix. Lesson learned.

I don’t recall hearing cries of foul from environmentalists about the dangers of fluorescent tubes and bulbs! How they’re packed with mercury, posed to create a different landfill problem for America since fluorescent tubes have enough mercury in them that they require special handling and disposal. What? You didn’t know? They can’t be tossed in a waste basket.

They can’t be tossed in a waste basket. How many people do you know that actually tote them away for recycling? People are hard to educate if they’re asked to change their lifestyle.

More importantly, I can pinpoint the time I realized fluorescent lights were the culprit of my tired-eye syndrome at the end of each workday. Offices hum with neutrons and neon ohms. It took me a long time to blame fluorescent lighting, until it occurred to me that my eyes were fine every weekend!

I don’t even like to spell fluorescent. It’s kinda phonetic, but not enough. Thank you, spell-check.

So perhaps I can say I don’t use fluorescent light bulbs because there are irresponsible people all over the world with eye-aches, who dress funny, who simply dispose of their fluorescent bulbs in the easiest, quickest possible way, and smash tubes live with mercury into trash containers, but wouldn’t dare consume a fish from the ocean. They threaten our land fills and poison the ground water through rain downpours, to enter our streams and rivers. The contaminants eventually make their way into the ocean awash with little fish swimming around gobbling them up, and are soon glowing, filled to the gills with shimmer and shine. They can’t even spell fluorescent.

I hate fluorescent lighting and I dress like I want to. I’m comfortable in my blue jeans, which  fade naturally between washings and the glorious sunshine!